hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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