A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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