so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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