best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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