Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
