True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize