Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
