The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
