You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
