I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
