tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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