Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Randomize
