Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
