Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize