seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
pray to the hookup gods
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
