I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
