I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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