A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
