He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
