it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize