Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize