He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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