I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Dicks are not precious.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize