I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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