I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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