All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
