I hate your face
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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