I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
