who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
