I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
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