just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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