omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
