Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize