Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
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