only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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