Whod you bang
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
