I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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