I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
