Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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