i was rollin on her like bob the builder
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
