I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize