I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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