i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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