and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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