She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
