he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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