why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
