plz talk dirty to me
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
