she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
