The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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