Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
