My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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