I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Someone came in the potted fern
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize