After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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