your room smells of hookers.
And success
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
