i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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