I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
