One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
