You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
