Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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