A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize