1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just pynch a tree in the face
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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