tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
