I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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