I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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