I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
