Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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