Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
