I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
