If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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