im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
