Got a toothbrush?
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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