I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
