none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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