the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
