This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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