What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
