I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
