bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
