I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
