the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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