a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
