people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
