we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
