I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
