Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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