i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Come back. Shots need mouths.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
