youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
