hotel room ftw
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
