So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
