shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
