i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize