i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
