apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
