I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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