I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
