Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
