i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
