end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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