3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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