it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize