drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
