My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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