I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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