i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
