My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize