Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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