Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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